Talking…AND Listening – The 2 Parts of Conversation

We’ve all experienced this person at one time or another. You know, that guy or gal who drones on and on with zero awareness of the interest level of the person that they’re talking to. Lord knows, I’m sure that I’ve been this person at one time or another, and I would venture to guess that almost all of us have been too.

The “Monologue Disease”

I call this the “Monologue Disease,” and find it extremely widespread but not often talked about. Trouble is, when it comes to the world of business, I have yet to meet someone who is fantastically successful while also manifesting this disease in his or her conversations with their fellow business-folk. Although victims of this disease are almost always well-meaning, the act of droning on and on without self-awareness tends to tire, stress-out, and repel others. In short, this is a truly devastating handicap for one’s efforts in the realm of in-person networking.

Of course, there are occasions where we must carry on a one-sided conversation for extended periods of time. Obviously, when delivering a speech, teaching or explaining something to a willing audience, or telling a story to people who are genuinely interested, we often do have to speak solo for a long while, so I’m not taling about those instances.

5 Tips for Overcoming “The Disease”

1. Employ the 30-Second rule. I believe that we all must develop an internal alarm system that goes off when we’ve been the only ones speaking for 30 seconds or more. Of course, I don’t suggest automatically shutting up after 30 seconds, but simply check in with yourself to make sure that this is one of those cases where speaking without a break is necessary.
2. Pick up on body language cues. Is the person you’re speaking to suffering from a case of shifty eyes or extra fidgeting? If so, you may want to take pause.
3. When it is necessary to speak for extended periods of time, make sure to leave a few pauses in your speech to allow for someone to get that proverbial “word in edgewise” if needed.
4. Slow down. Doing anything very quickly is usually a sure sign that we’re in an unconscious mode of autopilot and not attuned to what’s happening around us.
5. Stay conscious of your topic. There are times when veering off-topic into new and distant tangents is a part of a fun and lively conversation. But it can also be warm invitation for the dreaded Monologue Disease, so stay conscious when skipping about in this way.

Do I apply these 5 tips perfectly myself? HELL to the NO – so this is a good reminder for me as much as it might be for anyone else reading this.

I plan on expanding on the “Monologue Disease” as it applies to our online presence in a future post, as this is something I’ve certainly struggled with on my own web site.

QUESTION: Have you noticed the “Monologue Disease” in your own communications, or the communications of others, either personally or in business?

Avoiding learning new technologies means you could very well lose the opportunity to infuse your individual personality into your digital communications. In this new business landscape, standing out from the ever-increasing online crowd means balancing the efficiency of powerful technology with authentic human relationships.

If the thought of updating your blog or adding a PayPal button to your web site leaves you stricken with the fear of God, here are some suggestions to help you claim your digital independence:

1. When in doubt, always Google first. You’ll be surprised how many folks out there have had the same roadblock as you. Google is smart enough that you can usually just type in your exact question in its entirety, but if doing that doesn’t provide you with an answer, try stripping your query down to the words are directly and specifically related to your issue. For example, instead of typing “How do I link my blog to Facebook,” strip your query down to “link blog to Facebook.” And if can get super-specific about the technology you’re using, even better. The best case scenario here would be “link WordPress to Facebook.”
2. Realize that much of what you’re looking at is written in English. If that sounds a bit condescending, let me reassure you that I’ve had to remind myself of this same fact time and again as well! For example, looking at the WordPress control panel that I’m using to compose this blog post, if I read down the various options on the left side of the screen, I see the words “Posts,” “Add New,” “Categories,” and “Post Tags.” While terms such “Post Tags” might take the newbie on a quick Google excursion, generally speaking, the terminology you’ll see on most online products and services is in plain English (as opposed to some intimidating blur of computer jargon).
3. Get clear on precisely where you’re stuck. Maybe you’re not as confused as you might think. Rather than resigning yourself to saying “I JUST DON’T GET IT!,” try and see if you can isolate precisely what it is that you don’t get. For example, maybe you know how to create a blog post, but you’re not sure why it adds that extra space between certain lines of text. Asking “How do I get rid of that extra space between lines of text” is going to get you answers much quicker than just throwing your hands up in dismay and quitting (tempting as that may be at times!).
4. Hire a specialist to give you 1-2 hours of instruction. Since the vast majority of us learn best by doing, taking your first few stabs at trying a new technology with a pro standing by is going to be exponentially faster and more stress-free than going it alone. If necessary, finding a techno-tutor via Craigslist need not be a sketchy affair. Thanks to technologies such as Skype and Adobe ConnectNow, your specialist should be able to conduct the lesson via teleconferencing and screen-sharing rather than meeting you in person. In any case, it’s always good to get some references or at the very least see at a few testimonials before hiring someone.
5. Choose online products and services with a reputation for awesome technical support. If a company hides its tech support contact info somewhere deep inside its web site, then that generally means that they’re probably not going to be very available for you in your time of need. And definitely avoid web hosts that don’t offer phone support, or only offer phone support during business hours.
6. Avoid online products and services that are not widely used. Aside from receiving tech support from the company itself, the next best thing is a strong user community. If the product or online service you’re using has a relatively small user base, then it means that it is unlikely that there will be many online resources such as user forums to supply you the answers you need, rendering your Google-ing efforts quite fruitless.
7. Trick yourself into learning by working on a project that’s close to your heart. Having fun in the process of learning is going to accelerate the process exponentially. Rather than forcing yourself into a crash-course with a stress-filled looming deadline, come up with a project that is low-pressure, but still important. For example, maybe you want to create a really slick online photo album as a surprise for your loved ones. There’s an example of a project that’s fun and meaningful enough to inspire you to persevere through the challenges, but not something that could possibly interfere with your job or your business if not done perfectly.
8. Remember, it’s only the internet. I remember hearing those words from a very talented and dedicated former co-worker. Of course, to many of us this sounds like blasphemy in a hyper-connected world where the internet seems to exist as an Intravenous lifeline. But in most cases, especially if you’re a newbie, chances are you don’t have millions of people depending on your web site for their livelihoods (a la eBay). I’d also venture to guess that national security will probably be just fine if your latest blog post doesn’t show up on your Facebook profile for a few hours.

No need to fear being a beginner and asking for help –  just take that plunge now, you won’t regret it.

Inches make champions.

- Vince Lombardi

While laying one’s plans for online fame and fortune, it’s very easy to come up with ambitious and daunting plans for a massive web project which oftentimes is so ambitious and daunting that it just-plain never gets done.

And while I’m tossing quotes around, how’s about this one?:

Guessing instead of knowing destroys persistence.

- Napoleon Hill

An E-Commerce Site Minus the Commerce

Sure, your idea for an keychain-collector-e-commerce site whose functionality and infrastructure rivals that of Amazon.com makes for a powerful vision,  but do you even know for a fact that anyone even wants to buy your Wayne Newton-endorsed lucky rabbit’s foot key ring?

Why not proceed just a few “inches” by testing your concept using a quick n’easy e-commerce solution such as  e-Junkie, 1-Shopping Cart, or Shopify before hitting up Silicon Valley for Angel funding? Test your calls-to-action using Google’s free and ultra-powerful Website Optimizer to see which calls-to-action result in the most sales.

And if you see that you’re making strong sales with your itty-bitty shop, then it’s a good indicator that you’d be wise to proceed that next “inch” towards implementing a more robust online store…That is, if, and only if, more robustness is going to provide significant additional value to your customers and to you.

A Social Network Minus the “Network” Part

Looking to create a new social network for fans of 1960′s Polynesian pop music? Why not test the waters with a Facebook group to see how much activity there is around your topic? From there, you can set up a blog outside of Facebook and check out your website traffic using the industry standard (and free, of course) Google Analytics.

And since we’re talking about a blog here, definitely check out the amount of commenting on your blog posts. If nobody cares enough to leave a comment, you can bet your Tiny Bubbles that nobody’s going to bother creating a new user profile on your site either.

If the online user profile thing seems like it might work, give the awesome service, Facebook Connect a go before dunking thousands (possibly many thousands) of dollars into your own custom social network.

I think you catch my drift, that’s all for now…

A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.

- Benjamin Franklin

Back in the prehistoric days of the internet, you know, like, circa 2003, the de-facto purpose of a web site was to serve as an online brochure whose main purpose was to proclaim to the world, “Look how great we are!“

Fast forward to now, and we’re still seeing most web sites continuing along that well-worn path of the digital flyer. Sure, an online flyer is relatively easy to create and requires little-to-zero upkeep aside from the occasional change of phone number or email address. But once our static brochure web site is live for the world to see, the next question becomes…“so why can’t I find my site on Google?”

And the collective answer from Mighty Cyberspace bellows (or perhaps it croons a la Janet Jackson),  “what have you done for me lately?“

You see, Google is, for the most part, nothing more than a popularity contest, with popularity being measured in terms of how many other sites are linking back to yours. So if your website is the online equivalent of Ben Franklin’s “man wrapped up in himself,” then your site also probably has relatively little to offer to the vast majority of the world. And all of this makes for the proverbial “small bundle” – and who want to link to a small bundle?

How to make your bundle bigger.

Umm…ok, that came out a bit wierd, but nonetheless, the answer is…

[enter drumroll building into a tinny and abrasive cymbal crash]

Make your website about ME too.

How do you do that? Well, for starters, how’s about keeping a blog that regularly publishes content that’s of value to your target market? Research shows that sites with blogs get 55% more visitors and 97% more inbound links than sites without blogs.

You can also do things like be considerate of the kind folks who are taking time out of their busy day to click in your direction. For example:

• Make it so that visitors to your site can immediately understand what it is that your company does. A clear and concise tagline will usually go a long way here.
• Make sure that your site isn’t bogged down with huge Flash videos or massive images that slow things down unnecessarily. Remember, after 4 seconds, online folks get very antsy and start looking for the door.
• Don’t employ selfish tactics like burying your prices or the telephone number for customer support in obscure places that attempt to force users to click on your site 1,437 times before we find what the %$#@ we’re looking for (!).

The era of the self-centered website is over, so what has your website done for ME lately?

Even if you’ve been living in a cave,

However, one group that doesn’t seem to be suffering from this shortage of jobs is the workforce of web developers, and really, computer programmers in general.

Is this because we’re just so smart and have everything figured out? As much as some developers would like to think so, the answer is a highly recursive NO.

The way I see it is that our field is just plain less competitive than that of our non-programmer colleagues. The demand for folks who know how to muckety-muck with code is way greater than the number of deranged souls who actually enjoy sitting in a dark room all day (and night) fiddling with functions and hashes and overflow:hiddens and….are we asleep yet?

So because of this lopsided ratio of demand for code vs willing code-monkeys, many of us developers find ourselves receiving numerous emails and phone calls on a weekly and even daily basis from recruiters and technology companies eager for resources. As a happily self-employed web developer with no plans of re-joining the ranks of the full-time employed anytime in the foreseeable future, I have been on the receiving end of many of these inquiries myself – almost to the point where my ungrateful ass started getting annoyed. But I’ve figured out a way to make the best of these seemingly useless inquiries that come via email.

Using my cherished Gmail along with the Canned Responses add-on, I crafted and saved a simple email response that not only politely lets the interested parties know that I’m not currently available, but that I have a few super-talented non-developer tech-industry colleagues who are currently on the market who they might want to contact.

Of course, it’s a bit of a numbers game, but I believe that it can definitely work in getting our friends and former colleagues hired, as these recruiters and hiring managers are extremely eager to place people (not to mention picking up that commission check).

Here’s the letter I use, feel free to customize for your own purposes:

Hello [RECRUITER NAME],

Unfortunately, I am not seeking a position at this time. I also don’t have anyone I can recommend with the skills you require who’s seeking a job. However I do know of 2 other *great* colleagues who are currently seeking new positions:

Mary Johnson (Widget Maker)
http://www.linkedin.com/in/[LinkedIn ID]

John Smith (Widget Analyst)
http://www.linkedin.com/in/[LinkedIn ID]

Of course, I’m not sure if you’re looking for folks with John or Mary’s skill set, but perhaps this helps.

Either way, thanks so much for your interest!

On more than one occasion, I’ve actually had the recruiter say that they checked out my friend’s LinkedIn profile and were interested in speaking to them right away.

The jury is still out as to whether this method is actually successful in placing our job seeking comrades, but I know for 100% sure that it succeeds in making me feel a lot better than simply writing back “sorry…” or deleting the inquiry email altogether.

Of course, if someone were to get placed, then I stand to end up with some commission money and there would be no complaints with that either.

In other words, 20 seconds of my time, all upside, no downside.

Now go start canning some responses!

When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everybody will respect you.

–Lao Tzu

Sure, we’ve all checked out the work of our “competitors” at one point or another – hoping to find a “chink in the armor” so that we can feel better about what it is we do. Or perhaps we look at our so-called competitors’ amazing website and think, “man, there’s no way I could come up with something that great…”

And when you’re first starting to take your business or your passion online, it’s natural to see things in the context of competition and scarce rewards for a select few (don’t worry, I’m not going to go into a “Law of Attraction” tangent here). However, I do have to say that the term “competitor” is becoming so outmoded for me that I can’t even type it into a blog post without surrounding it in quotes, or prefacing it with “so-called.” Have I ever allowed myself to be intimidated by someone else’s level of skill or success before? Umm….YEAH! Anyone who tells you they’ve never compared themselves with anyone else is almost certainly simply engaging in a not-so-subtle form of egoic competition with you.

All of this leads me to another quote by another great thinker, the prolific Seth Godin, whom I had the pleasure of listening to in person at a keynote he delivered recently. Seth says “the only thing that successful people have in common is that they’re successful.”

In other words, there is no replicable recipe for success, but rather, success comes from throwing away the rule book, forging your own rules, and thereby becoming utterly indispensable.

So when it comes time to forge our own path to success online, we see that simply copying the “competition” is a pretty solid recipe for failure. In fact, looking at life as one big competition rather than a massive collaboration is also a pretty dependable pathway to failure – if not in a professional sense, then almost certainly in a personal sense.

Here are some questions that we might be wise to ask ourselves as we utilize the power of the web to forge our own paths to success:

• When creating your website, did you use your “competitor’s” website as a template and barely deviate from that sacred model?
• Are you copying some aspect of a “competitor’s” website without really asking yourself how that thing that you’re copying might actually benefit the people you’re trying to reach?
• Are you shying away from valuable tools such as blogging and social media because other people in your field have not yet adapted those tools?
• Are you afraid to let your website express your authentic personality and goals as a result of that personality and those goals getting buried in the murk of what’s considered “standard industry practices?”
• If your website represents a “watered-down” version of you or your business, is it because your website is seeking to bend or exaggerate the truth of what you truly have to offer?
• Have you neglected to consider the positive benefits of focusing on what it is that YOU (or your company) has to offer and then building your entire online presence around that very uniqueness?

Until the next time…